Stormy Sunday

Simon you are

Like sunlight to me.

Penetrating, wild

And definitely free.

 

I love how you shine–

How you move and dance.

Together we’ve entered

A compelling trance.

 

But our love–it’s unstable,

A warm, stormy cloud…

Lightening and thunder

That’s deafeningly loud.

 

Together we SOAR

But also we dive.

It’s elating and painful.

There’s nowhere to hide.

 

I can’t trust my feelings

And just open to love.

It’s rocky…and wobbly,

Too confusing…I’m stuck.

 

I never thought I’d be

In such an unsteady state.

But what did I expect?

You mirror my face.

 

My true name is NISCHALA

Said a guru in the sky.

I must learn to live it–

Look fear in the eye.

 

“Steadiness, unwavering…”

This is who I am,

Said Satchidananda, the guru.

I can be it.  I can.

 

Hold tight to a fixed point,

And float in the abyss.

My heart is an anchor

When the dragon’s fire hits.

 

I always have a still point

Inside I can trust.

God is within me.

I do know this much.

 

My love is a light

So infinite and free.

If steady in myself

I am completed by me.

 

You are a gift, dear Simon

To show me once again

That the source of true love

Is inside my own skin.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

I don’t usually publish my more personal or “shadow-side” poems, but I realize by only offering the lighter side of myself, I am keeping my shadow in the darkness.  And one of my commitments, being the consciously evolving Scorpio that I am (or try to be), is to bring darkness to light and experience transformation through the depths.  I also really believe that creativity or the Muse can help us gain insights and heal parts of ourselves that are stuck or confused.  Writing poetry is one of the best ways I’ve found to work through difficult or painful situations and emotions.  Drawing or dancing can (also) really help, but there is a special power in words…Don’t you think?

Today a samurai.  Tomorrow a butterfly.  And so it goes…

Note:  Swami Satchidananda, the founder of Integral Yoga, gave me the spiritual name Nischala upon completion of my yoga teacher’s training certification in 2004.  The name was “channeled” for me through his principal lineage holder Swami Dyananda, as Satchidananda is no longer in the body.  Dyananda taught us that spiritual names can sometimes reflect the light and truth that we already are, but in other cases they reflect what we are destined to become through learning and growth.

Living up to this name has become a goal of my life…  OM OM.

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